Mothers and Daughters Are Naturally Inclined to Be Best Friends, According to Science (2024)

FAQs

Should a mother and daughter be best friends? ›

Ideally on “some level she's always a guiding force, someone who's been there before you; therefore, you never can be true peers… Not that mothers and daughters can't ever speak as friends, but there is a constant sense that you are never actually on the same level.”

The mother-daughter relationship, one of the most profound and dynamic bonds in human society, is a labyrinth of complex emotions, shared experiences, mutual learning, and intense love. This relationship often oscillates between extremes, from friendship to rivalry, from camaraderie to tension.

There are lots of positive things about being good friends with your daughter. I've talked to moms who say their adult daughter is their very closest, best friend. They shop together and tell each other everything. We all want connection with our daughters.

Mother and daughter relationship is the unique bond that they are sometimes good companions, good friends, partners in crime and competitors too. Whatever a daughter does, she always has a great support from her mom. And, the older the daughter grows, the close friend she will be for her mom.

Being too close can make daughters rely on their mothers too much for too long. “There's a lot to be learned from setting healthy boundaries and understanding that we need to be there to listen and support, but not re-live our lives through our daughters,” Gordon says.

Psychologists warn that this tendency creates an unhealthy form of parenting. By trying to solve the problems of your past by seeking to be your child's friend, you're only undermining your own authority. Moreover, you're not allowing your child to choose whether he or she wants to be your friend.

For adult sons and daughters, the relationship with their mother figured more prominently than the relationship with their father in terms of compassionate love and both providing and receiving emotional and practical support.

Let's face it: relationships can be complicated, often more-so with those we love most. While father-child estrangement is much more common, 6% of adult children are estranged from their mothers, a percentage that increases across time and distance.

Mother-daughter enmeshment occurs when the roles between mother and daughter become blurred. This enmeshment results in the daughter having less autonomy and independence. Narcissistic tendencies in the mother can exacerbate enmeshment, leading to a dynamic of narcissistic mother-daughter enmeshment.

Cold mother syndrome refers to a parenting style characterized by emotional distance, dismissiveness, and rejection. This type of mothering is often accompanied by a lack of emotional availability and neglect of a child's emotional needs.

What do daughters want from their mothers? ›

Daughters want to be held in their mother's warm embrace, hear their mother's soft voice, encouraging them in their own goals and dreams. If a mother is getting her needs met, she will meet her daughter's needs.

Different personalities is another reason given to rationalise the mother-daughter conflict. These differences shape interactions between a mother and daughter, yet this is not the true underlying issue that affects their relationship. It is a generational cycle of expectations and hurt.

Being friends with our children and being responsible parents are not mutually exclusive roles, but the type of friendship changes with time. As our children age and become adults, relationships may certainly evolve into more of a friendship and even best friends.

The Role of Roles

Parents have a self-evident role as “The Mother” or “The Father” in their kids' lives. If parents try to exchange that role for that of the best friend, parents and children alike will suffer from feelings of imbalance, lack of identity and disconnection.

Mother-daughter enmeshment occurs when the roles between mother and daughter become blurred. This enmeshment results in the daughter having less autonomy and independence. Narcissistic tendencies in the mother can exacerbate enmeshment, leading to a dynamic of narcissistic mother-daughter enmeshment.

Once you're a parent, there's no opting out, making friendship not exactly appropriate for parents and their kids. So, should parents be friends with their little ones? In short: No. But you can still maintain aspects of friendship while remaining in the driver's seat with little ones.